Man, Chemo Round 3 kicked my ass. I suppose the side effects are becoming worse because my body never quite recovers to 100% before another round is administered. I keep saying this, but it really does knock you out, I've literally never been this tired. Your body shuts down and you just sleep. Then you puke, then you sleep, then you sleep some more.  Like, too tired for Netflix, tired. Sunday I'm not sure I even had the tv on. I just slept. But for days, not hours. Then, suddenly, you're ok. Not great, but like, day 3 of a bad cold. That's when I start hearing Gloria Estefan singing "Coming out of the Dark" in my head.

Once you're out of the deep sleep all the other weird shit starts happening. I'm mostly bald, but for a little peach fuzz remaining. My skin is like an alligator but nearly everything irritates it, so I can't use most lotions marketed for dry skin. My nose is dry and sore, but won’t stop running (guess this happens because my nose hairs fell out losing their protective barrier). My eyes are so dry that I can't handle wearing my contacts, so I had to go get new glasses/sunglasses that I could wear everyday instead. While I was there, I had my first in bald head in public experience. I had to remove my beanie so they could fit glasses on my head. It was terrifying. Thankfully, everyone involved was incredibly supportive and kind - it was just scary being that vulnerable. Now, I wait 10 days for my new “spent too much on those” glasses.

What else has been going on? Germs. Germy, germ, germs everywhere. Remember, Chemo kills everything, including good things. Like my immune system. I literally have no immune system. So, I’m super weary of the biggest germ makers...kids. Elliott only goes to school for 4 hours, 3 days a week. I’ve seriously considered pulling him out of school entirely until my treatment is over. Thankfully I haven’t had to, yet, because his school has been AMAZING about slathering him in sanitizer during the day and before pickup. They tell me anytime a bad virus appears which lets me decide if I should send him in or not. Of course, nothing can prevent preschool kids from sharing germs, but we are trying our best. Additionally, friends and neighbors with kids, I promise I’m not trying to offend you - but your kid must be slathered in sanitizer BEFORE they come in to contact with my children. And if they have even a tiny runny nose or cough, I’m sorry, but no. Keep away. One small cold can derail my treatments and/or even put me into the hospital. So, I’m serious, sanitize before coming over. Once this is all behind us, I promise we can go back to our germy ways.

Besides germs, I’m still suffering from some serious Chemo brain. Writing this post has been way more challenging than past ones and I feel like I can’t complete a thought.

I’m still self conscious wearing my scarves so, going out to a Lionel Richie concert was kind of a big deal for me.



All of this is awful and it’s hard. But last night, Elliott randomly said “I love your fuzzy hair Mom”, I melted and easily remembered why I’m doing all of this.